an old prayer journal... {day 7 of 14}

in the process of sorting through a drawer of odds and ends tonight, i found some old prayer journals. i was about to throw them away without looking at them, then i decided to thumb through one. all of the prayers i wrote in this little journal as a 12-year-old girl seem a little formulaic at first glance- a confession, a praise, something i was thankful for, and petitions for others and myself. as i continued turning more pages and reading more, it became apparent how i was struggling to figure out how to share my heart with the Lord, beyond the external. really share all that was in my heart. one page in particular caught my attention. at the end of the short prayer i had written: i also pray that You will show me what is making me miserable so that i can confess it. the next day i wrote: i pray that You would show me what is in my heart. a few pages later: i pray that my life would be more of an example of You in me.

as i look back on what i wrote, i thought about how much the Lord has taught me the last 10 years since i scribbled those words in my journal. i noticed that a majority of what i talked to God about was anger and my reactions in situations where i tended to get really angry and resentful. there are still situations in which i get angry and don't handle things very well, but they don't happen as frequently as they used to. God has taught me much about running to Him when i start feeling frustrated, hurt, and angry and asking for Him to help me control my thoughts and actions even more during those times. i am thankful for the ways He has taught me to give hurtful circumstances to Him so that i don't get so angry in the first place.

finding this old prayer journal has been an encouragement tonight. i am thankful for the reflection. God hasn't given up on me. He is still working on me. there is more He wants to continue to teach and show me. He is doing a good work in me, fashioning me to be more like His Son as He promised. i desire to continue learning to get close to my Savior's heart and let Him have all that is in mine.